Driven by the Brain or By the Balls?
Nervy Girl's Staff Sexologist Ima Sexpert Talks about
Attraction & Arousal

In bars across the country, the scene is the same. A line wraps around the building, and the base can be heard at the curb as barflies flitter in and out of the local hot spot. Inside, men stand along the wood bar stirring their ice while women circle in herds chatting and scanning…

I recently sat down with NG's staff Sexologist Ima Sexpert to discuss the psychological components involved before, during and after sex. When Ima arrived for our interview, she carried an armful of books to back up her observations of our hypothetical couple, Mitch and Alison, as they meet and a passionate evening ensues. As we greeted one another, Ima shook my hand and said, "You know, there is more to sex appeal and attraction than what meets the eye." I said, "That's a good thing because that's why we're here." Then we began unfolding the story of Mitch and Alison…

It all starts at a bar we'll call "The Hook-Up." Alison, in her favorite v-neck sweater, a tight red number she feels sexy and strong in, spots Mitch at the bar. She positions herself near the DJ for a better look…

Ima Sexpert: As Alison notices Mitch, there are several things going on. First, our bodies are pleasure machines, and the attractions we feel are no accident, but primal enticements involving many of our senses, most notably the nose. Just as we all have our own fingerprints, we each have a scent that transfers information about who we are. Our skin, which emits sweat and odor, also carries chemical transmitters known as pheromones. Although pheromones are odorless and undetectable, they convey messages about our bodies.

When Alison walks by Mitch, unbeknownst to her, she gets a whiff of his pheromones, which speak volumes of his identity, sexual receptiveness and arousal. Pheromones affect nearly every species and often speak to more than just sexual attraction. For example, a study done by Cowley and Springen in 1997 showed that "pheromones produced by queen bees stall sexual development in other females, who then become workers." Another study conducted with mice revealed that "when a pregnant female mouse detects the pheromones of an unfamiliar male, a spontaneous abortion occurs." So obviously, these pheromones are powerful stuff.

As Alison moves in again, closer this time, she smells Mitch's cologne and his unscented pheromones, which tell her he is available and actively looking for a mate. The two make eye contact, and he watches her walk by — her brown hair and healthy figure entice him, along with her pheromones that confidently scream, "You know you want me!"

Ima Sexpert: Just as hormones transmit signals throughout our own bodies, our pheromones blow through the air and send messages about our health, fertility and availability to other noses. How we receive pheromonal signals from others depends on the state of our own hormones. If Alison's hormones are receptive, as when she is ovulating, she may be attracted to the sender.

[Ima grabs an article she brought from the BBC] The BBC reported that scientists conclude that men think a woman smells "particularly pleasant, even sexier, during the fertile period of her menstrual cycle." Consider a bitch in heat; no matter how many times you wash her, the neighborhood dogs come running. This may have been what Mitch smells, but he could also be attracted to her healthy and available pheromones.

[Ima opens a book called Anatomy of Love] Not only is the nose our most prominent organ involved in sexual arousal, but anthropologist Helen Fisher contends that "smelling has a very primitive affect on the human animal. It goes directly to a very ancient emotional center of the brain where it triggers memories, strong sensations and feelings." Additionally, pheromones work like radio waves and are processed in the Vomero Nasal Organ (VNO), or sixth sense, obviously found in the nose. So when Alison walks by, Mitch's unscented pheromones grab her attention. As Mitch and Alison will illustrate, their sixth sense is working in their favor…

As Alison passes by Mitch for the third time, they stare each other down, hard and deliberate, sending signals of body language to confirm the sixth sense. "Hi," she finally says and then introduces herself. They talk for a few minutes, and then Alison suggests they move to the velvet couch in the back. Mitch follows her lead and can smell her honeyed perfume as he watches her voluptuous ass.

Ima Sexpert: At this point, Mitch's pheromones are sending Alison a strong indication of sexual potential. [Ima flips through Dr. Joan Borysenko's book A Woman's Book of Life] As Borysenko explains, when a woman is attracted to a man's scent, she is being enticed by primal instincts she is unaware of. She goes on to say, "The hormones in his sweat meet her biological fancy." Has there ever been a time when you were attracted to someone that surprised you? That's often because our reactions are out of your conscious control.

Similarly, Mitch's physical intuition, or VNO, sends signals to the brain to process whether Alison is fertile and accessible, while consciously, he only thinks, "she's hot." This VNO signal, in turn, sends a message to the heart to pump harder, sending a charge to his penis. The rush of blood makes it throb and stiffen slightly. At the same time, Alison's brain sends signals to her clitoris, which produces a dull ache that is coupled with the increased blood production she's unknowingly signaled to her own heart.

While Mitch and Alison are an example of heterosexual enticement, signals and attractions between homosexuals work in a similar way. [Ima pulls out and cites a study done by Metagen laboratory in Santa Barbara, California] The researchers at Metagen labs claim they have discovered a "gay pheromone" involved in attractions of the same sex. The studies conclude that the women who wore the pheromone-induced perfume experienced results similar to those of gay men: they were more sexually active, more often approached, their work environments seemed friendlier and they found it easier to meet women. They believe these pheromones send signals to same sex partners. Mitch and Alison are no different…

They sit and chat. Alison crosses and then uncrosses her legs; while Mitch fingers his chin and wire rimmed glasses. For hours, they also exchange silent communication while they talk about what they do for a living and how they spend their free time.

Ima Sexpert: Here, they continue to smell one another, assessing viability. But fantasies have worked their way into each subject's mind, making it a challenge to follow conversation. The imagination is one of our sharpest tools, and coupled with the brain's inclination to wander off, it makes concentration and attention a challenge. While Alison imagines what it would be like to hold his hand and whether his lips would be soft, Mitch fantasizes about what Alison would look like out of her v-neck and how he'd like to bend her over the coffee table.

Their eye contact fires lightening bolts at this point, and they inch closer to one another, occasionally grabbing each other's arm or leg for emphasis during their conversation. Clearly, the language they are speaking through their body has confirmed what their VNO processed. Deep in the brain, the hypothalamus gland is sending signals back to the nerves relaying what it has interpreted from sight, smell and touch. This heightens sexual arousal by releasing hormones from the pituitary glands, such as endorphins, estrogen and testosterone. Hormones are brain chemicals that play an important part in human development. Within this release, the endorphins work likes morphine, elevating our pain threshold. What will happen next…?

It's closing time and the lights come on. Still very much interested even after the lights are less forgiving, Mitch invites her to his house for a late-night party with some mutual friends. Alison accepts and follows him in her car. Through the condensed exhaust, they make eye contact in Mitch's rearview mirror.

Ima Sexpert: It's clear now, as Alison tails him, that the night is full of promise, and heart rates are raised. When it comes to sexual arousal and orgasm, our imagination is our most powerful tool, specifically in the prelude to sex. Glancing at his business card, Alison tries out his last name and imagines what her coworkers will say when she brings him to the holiday party. Mitch, standing strong in the male stereotype, digs through his glove box for a condom and hopes for sex later in the night. In this example, fantasies are elevated as they each use their imaginations to play out their anticipations.

[Ima shuffles papers again] Harold Leitenburg, Professor of Psychology at the University of Vermont reports, "Brains are more important than our genitals…no matter what the physical stimulation. What we think about can either enhance or inhibit arousal. And even in the absence of stimulation, sexual fantasy alone is sexually arousing."

This example also echoes Wendy Maltz, author of Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women's Sexual Fantasies, findings that: "Sexual fantasizing is a natural, universal, psychological phenomenon similar to dreaming." Beyond the sexual arousal, fantasizing can improve a woman's self-esteem and make them feel sexier. Let's see where Mitch and Alison are headed…

The party at Mitch's is now quiet, and they end up in his den. Rolling through wet kisses on the couch, the candles suddenly aren't the hottest things in the room, and their damp bodies glow in the light. They fall to the Persian rug on floor for better friction.

Ima Sexpert: Napoleon once wrote to a lover, "I'm on my way to Paris, don't wash." This anecdote clearly shows that not only are we affected by unscented pheromones, but our body odor can intensify or inhibit arousal. Humans' conscious sense of bodily odor is very much a part of sex. Our bodies produce natural odor that is emitted by our hairs, which function the way the wick of a candle does to spread our aroma in a room. As Alison and Mitch emit sweat, they smell one another with each breath they take, and their arousal escalates. [Ima pulls another article out] Ananova.com reported that a group of German scientists concluded that smelling used to be such a significant part of sexual stimulation that they believe kissing is not just an added stimulation during sex, but it actually evolved from sniffing.

Not only are arousing scents involved here, as Alison and Mitch sweat buckets in passion, but also fantasies play an important role during sex. One woman in Wendy Maltz's research said, "Fantasizing is like lavender bath salts — a little something special I do just for myself to help me unwind."

And while fantasies do similar things for each sex — enhance arousal, preserve a memory and facilitate orgasm — Sex Educator Dr. Robert W. Birch claims what men and woman fantasize about varies as much as our physical differences. Men are more visual, and their primal desire for anonymous, available, inexhaustible partners makes for fantasies that lack in story line, but are strong in imagery. Women involve more olfactory and auditory memories. They are typically less focused on genitals and hinge more on emotional components.

Who are the players in Mitch and Alison's fantasies? Usually the objects of our fantasies are people of our past or present. While Alison could have been thinking about Mitch, she could also have reminisced about a hot night she had years ago. Also, imaginary lovers made up of an amalgamation of what excites us, appear when our current partner, movie stars, co-workers or beautiful strangers don't. Mitch may have been thinking of a skewed version of Alison, only with bigger boobs and Halle Berry's face.

So, the pheromonal and physical scents of their perspiration combined with their sexual illusions, peak activity and excitement in the brain, and this sends a flood of blood to the genitals. Hence, Mitch's penis is erect, and Alison is turned on like a lighthouse in a storm. Let's see what happens next…. Oh, and can you open the window behind you? It's a bit hot in here.

They both fumble with the condom that Mitch slid out of his pocket as Alison pulled his pants off with her teeth. As he enters her, they both moan with pleasure. Soon, he is driven by nothing else but his penis, until her warmth around him becomes too much. His semen begins to surge, and no matter what tells himself mentally, he has a hard time holding back his orgasm. Alison, sensing he was close to climax, masturbates to facilitate her own approaching orgasm.

Ima Sexpert: Oh dear, now that Mitch and Alison are reaching climax, and orgasm is imminent, [Ima fumbles with her papers] the right sides of their brains are most active. According to a report in the journal Neurology, orgasm originates in the right side of the brain in an area known as the amygdala, which is involved in emotional response.

Alison, needing a little help, masturbates in an attempt to climax with Mitch. Even though Alison is engaged in sexual intercourse, self-stimulation is crucial for her to orgasm. As Woody Allen once said, "masturbation is having sex with someone you love." Fantasies during or in prelude to self-stimulation play an infallible role. Similarly, masturbation leading to orgasm has health benefits in addition to pleasure, such as reducing stress and cleansing the cervix. Let's keep our fingers crossed for Alison and Mitch…

As the sun warms the horizon, the candles burn low. Mitch and Alison, heavy in the delightful throes of sexual intercourse slide against each other like a well-oiled machine on the floor. Then, the anticipation of the night culminates as both sweaty bodies reach orgasm then collapse in fatigue.

Ima Sexpert: Mitch shoots and scores, while Alison shakes in ecstasy, as they both come. As they reach climax, there are several things going on in the brain. [Ima flips to an article in the Neurology again] Even though the brain is the most complicated organ in the body, orgasm results when the nerve stimulation hits overload. As long as there are no babies crying, phones ringing or other distractions like self-consciousness, sexual tension is released when orders from the central nervous system are sent to the heart, telling it to pump faster. Which then oxygenates the blood in the muscles involved in sexual activity. There are also other neurotransmitters and neuro-peptides, chemical substances that transmit nerve impulses active in the brain during orgasm — to name a few: nitric oxide, dopamine, epinephrine, acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Mitch and Alison are feeling the effects of these natural cerebral chemicals and elevated blood flow, in addition to the physical exhaustion of intercourse.

In the end, Ima says that Mitch and Alison are no different than any couple of the same or opposite sex, or than any species of animals involved in courting and sexual arousal. After our chat, I thank her for coming, and we both have a good laugh over my unintentional pun. As we shake hands again, she reiterates that Mitch and Alison "are a textbook example of what goes in on the brain during attraction, arousal and orgasm," and that she hopes to speak to her Nervy Girl readers again about the wonderful world of sex.

By Gina Daggett

Published in Nervy Girl, January 2003, Vol. 4, Issue 1.